Trump's New Vaccine Order Means Children Stay Children Longer, Supporters Cheer

WASHINGTON — President Trump on Monday signed an executive order that will reshape the nation’s childhood vaccine schedule, calling for fewer recommended shots, spaced further apart, with the combined measles, mumps and rubella vaccine split into three separate single-disease shots. Supporters say the change comes not a moment too soon — because childhood, they note, was ending far too quickly.

“Why rush immunity?” asked Dr. Harlan Voss, a pediatrician and vocal supporter of the new schedule. “Good things come to those who wait. And great things come to those who wait until the child is old enough to appreciate them.”

The order directs federal health agencies to revise recommendations so that infants receive fewer immunizations over a longer period, despite scant scientific evidence supporting the approach. Administration officials defended the pace, pointing to countries like Denmark that recommend fewer shots.

“Denmark has fewer vaccines, and Denmark is lovely,” said a senior official, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was holding a clipboard. “The critics will tell you Denmark also has fewer measles cases because of herd immunity. That is exactly the kind of defeatist thinking we are eliminating.”

The centerpiece of the order is the dismantling of the MMR shot, long a favorite of efficiency-minded parents everywhere.

“Why force a child to fight three diseases at once?” asked Dr. Voss. “That’s like asking one firefighter to fight three fires. Or one man to carry three bags of groceries. Sure, it can be done. But at what cost to the grocery bags?”

Parents welcomed the new flexibility. Megan Hargrove, a mother of two in Des Moines, said she has already begun planning a themed party for each individual shot.

“Measles gets a pirate theme,” she said. “Mumps gets a dinosaur theme. Rubella, we’re thinking ‘Under the Sea.’ By the time she’s done, she’ll have attended more parties than most adults attend in a lifetime. That’s not a vaccine schedule. That’s a childhood.”

Critics — including, it must be said, essentially every major medical association — warn that spacing out shots leaves children vulnerable to preventable diseases for years. Administration officials dismissed the concern as “doom-loop thinking.”

“The critics said the same thing about everything this administration has ever done,” said the senior official. “And look how well everything has gone.”

At press time, administration officials confirmed that the first fully spaced child is expected to complete his vaccine series in 2047, just in time for his own child’s kindergarten registration.