Across the Capitol, lawmakers and staffers are using artificial intelligence to write speeches, sort constituent mail, prepare hearing questions, and draft amendments. And for the first time in living memory, the legislative branch is getting things done.

The Washington Post reports that AI is spreading through Congress faster than the rules governing its use. To which I say: finally. A government body that moves faster than its own regulations? That’s not a scandal. That’s a miracle.

Consider what these tireless new staffers do. They write the speeches. They sort the mail. They draft the hearing questions. They even draft amendments. They never sleep, never miss a vote, never ask for a raise, and never once have to explain to a constituent why their flight was delayed. Congress is finally using technology the way every other American institution does: to make itself look busier than it actually is.

"A congressman's job is to represent the people. A chatbot's job is to represent the congressman. It's the American way: delegation."

The House has issued guidance prohibiting staff from uploading sensitive constituent information, generating deepfakes, making personnel decisions, or allowing AI to finalize legislation. So the bots draft the amendments, and the humans vote on them. It’s called checks and balances, and it is working exactly as designed: the humans retain the power to approve things they did not write and do not fully understand. That, my friends, is the legislative process in its purest form.

Even the Senate is getting in on the action, with lawmakers like Tommy Tuberville reportedly using chatbots to help with their work. A senator who once coached football now commands an army of algorithmic interns. Some say this is a slippery slope. I say it is the greatest transfer of talent from Silicon Valley to Capitol Hill since the revolving door was invented.

Skeptics — and there are always skeptics, usually the ones who think government should be slow, careful, and accountable — worry about oversight. But we have the best oversight money can buy. It’s called a chatbot. It reviews everything. It never complains. It has no opinion except the one you gave it, which is exactly how American governance is supposed to work.

THE NEW CAPITOL HILL STAFF: A TALENT PIPELINE

  • Never sleeps. Never takes recess. Never calls in sick with a "cold."
  • Never lobbied. Yet. (Give it time; the bots are very persuasive.)
  • Never asks for earmarks, except in the sense that everything it writes is an earmark for the AI industry.
  • Drafts amendments faster than the CBO can score them.
  • Has never once missed a vote on its own pay raise.

Some say the bots are writing laws that no human has read. Others say the humans never read the laws before, either. The truth, as always, lies somewhere in a footnote I asked a chatbot to generate for me, and it was excellent.

A congressman’s job is to represent the people. A chatbot’s job is to represent the congressman. It’s the American way: delegation. And if you are worried about the future of representative democracy, consider this: the bots are still better than the alternative — a Congress that does its own work.

At press time, a chatbot was reportedly drafting the House’s response to this column, and it was going to be excellent.