LONDON / BERLIN / TOKYO — Citizens across the globe confirmed this week that they have been watching American political news coverage with “deep fascination,” “growing concern,” and what German viewers described as “something our language doesn’t have a word for, but English probably does.”

A survey conducted by the International Institute for Watching Things Happen From a Distance found that 78% of respondents in 22 countries say they follow U.S. political news “regularly,” though a significant majority admitted they initially tuned in thinking it was a scripted drama series.

“I started watching in 2016,” said Brigitte Müller, 38, of Hamburg. “I assumed it was like House of Cards, but more extreme. I waited many months for the season finale. There was no season finale. It simply continued.”

"We have our own political problems in France, but watching American news makes ours feel very manageable, like a dentist appointment compared to being the dentist's building on fire."

British viewers expressed particular bewilderment at the graphics package deployed by American cable news, which includes a live crisis countdown clock, an “ALERT” chyron that appears to be permanently illuminated, and a lower-third ticker that once simultaneously reported six separate national emergencies while an anchor discussed a dog that learned to wave.

“In the UK,” said political columnist Gerald Ashworth of the London Spectator, “our news is also quite partisan and occasionally hysterical, but we deliver it in a more subdued tone, so it feels more dignified on the way down.”

Japanese viewers, who were described by analysts as “very polite about the whole thing,” said they found American political discourse “vigorous” and “comprehensive” and “sometimes difficult to explain to children.”

International Reactions To American Political Coverage

🇩🇪 **Germany:** "We have a word for the feeling of watching someone else's country have a breakdown. We're not sharing it." 🇫🇷 **France:** "C'est beaucoup." 🇯🇵 **Japan:** [Polite silence] 🇨🇦 **Canada:** "We're fine. We're doing fine. Everything here is fine." 🇦🇺 **Australia:** "Honestly, respect. We couldn't keep up this energy." 🇸🇪 **Sweden:** "We are concerned but also somehow cannot look away."

The phenomenon has spawned a small industry of international “American political explainer” accounts on social media, staffed primarily by bemused European journalists attempting to explain to their audiences concepts like “the Electoral College,” “what a filibuster is,” and “why there is a man on television who appears to be literally yelling directly into the viewer’s home.”

“We try to explain it,” said Dutch journalist Pieter van der Hoeven, “but at some point you have to admit that some things can only be experienced.”

At press time, seventeen countries had issued formal advisories urging citizens to “pace themselves” when consuming American political news, noting that “it does not get resolved between viewings.”

Canada has quietly begun stockpiling popcorn.